


Kindergarten Boyfriend

by Mercy_Rhyne



Series: The Four Fics Of The Angst-pocalypse [1]
Category: Sanders Sides
Genre: (attempted) suicide, Angst, Kindergarten boyfriend, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 15:37:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12038955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercy_Rhyne/pseuds/Mercy_Rhyne
Summary: Songfic on Kindergarten Boyfriend from Heathers. That's all that needs to be said here.





	Kindergarten Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: self loathing, suicide, major character death, angst 
> 
> Set pre Accepting Anxiety

_There was a boy I met in kindergarten  
He was sweet, he said that I was smart _

Things hadn’t always been this bad. When they were younger, the sides had managed to coexist just fine. They were even close. Especially Roman and Virgil. The two were inseparable; they did everything together. 

_He was good at sports and people liked him  
And at naptime once we shared a mat_

Roman and Virgil were complete opposites. Roman was social, talkative and spent a lot of his time practising sword fighting with his wooden weapon. Virgil, however, preferred staying in his room, listening to music. But still, the two were best friends. Every once in a while, they would have a sleepover in Roman’s room. Never in Virgil’s; the anxious side did not want Roman to be corrupted by the atmosphere of his room. And besides, he loved the feelings he got when he was in his friend’s room. His worries didn’t seem as important: he could handle them. He felt brave. Important even. Usually, he never felt like that.

_I didn’t sleep, I sat and watched him breathing  
Watched him dream for nearly half an hour_

_Oooh_

_Then he woke up._

Virgil never slept during their sleepovers. First of all because he enjoyed the courage his friend’s room gave him, but more importantly because he was scared of having nightmares - ironic, isn’t it? The anxious side was tortured by nightmares every night. On their first sleepover, Virgil had made the mistake to go to sleep. He’d had a nightmare, despite the influence of Roman’s room. His friend had woken him up and instantly got protective of him, he swore to kill anything that bothered him. From then on, Virgil decided to never sleep around Roman again; he didn’t want to worry him. So he would just sit around and wait for his friend to wake up.

_He pulled a scab off one time playing kick ball  
Kissed me quick then pressed it in my hand _

One day, when Roman had gotten back from an imaginary battle, with real wounds, he turned to Virgil. Before Virgil could open his mouth to ask Roman about it, the latter smiled and ripped off the bandage that was wrapped around his upper arm. The wound had already disappeared.   
Roman kneeled in front of Virgil and told him: “Please, accept this as a token of my love for you.”   
Virgil chuckled and accepted the bandage. He knew it was a joke, but it still meant a lot to him. It was one of the first things anyone had given him and he would remember that for many years. A treasured memory of his best friend. 

_I took that scab and put it in a locket  
All year long I wore it near my heart _

Virgil kept the bandage Roman had given him. He still had it now, twenty years later. He knew it was weird, but it reminded him of their friendship. Of easier times. 

_He didn’t care if I was thin or pretty  
And he was mine until we hit first grade_

_Oooh_

_Then he woke up._

Roman used to make sure Virgil knew how much he meant to him and how much he loved him. But when Thomas grew older, Virgil became more important to his personality and his anxious thoughts and observations influenced Thomas more and more.   
Roman told Virgil he was holding Thomas back, started blaming him for everything that went wrong. And no matter how much Virgil tried to tell Roman that he didn’t _want_ this to happen, that he didn’t _choose_ to be Anxiety, it didn’t work. Roman pushed Virgil away. And there were no more sleepovers, no more loving hugs, no more friendship.

_Last night I dreamed_  
_A horse with wings flew down into my homeroom_  
_On its back, there he sat_  
_And he held out his arms_  
_So we sailed above the gym_  
_Across the faculty parking lot_  
_My kindergarten boyfriend and I_  
_And a horse with wings_

Even though it might be embarrassing to admit, Virgil dreamed about Roman. He would appear on a winged horse, a white one, and they’d fly away from the mindscape. Away from Virgil’s problems. To a world where everything was fine. Those dreams recurred at least once a month. Even now. Virgil was ashamed to admit it was one of his favourite dreams. Maybe that was because most of his dreams were nightmares, or maybe because it reminded him of times when life was easy. When the other sides liked him. 

_Now we’re all grown up and we know better  
Now we recognize the way things are _

Then the videos started. Ever since Virgil was introduced in the Sanders Sides series, Roman called him names, making sure to show he did not like the anxious side. Virgil went along with it and retorted the snarky nicknames and sassy remarks, but he didn’t show how badly they hurt him. He didn’t want Roman to know he missed him. But how could he not miss him? For the first ten years of their lives, they were best friends. Now, all Roman did, was insult him and make him the villain in the whole story. It was as if their friendship had never existed. It hurt Virgil to know that Roman had forgotten all about their friendship. It hurt that he had gotten over it so easily. Maybe it was better this way.

_Certain boys are meant for kindergarten  
Certain girls are meant to be alone _

They were right. They were all right. He didn’t matter to Thomas. He only held him back. He didn’t deserve to be alive, or to be loved. He didn’t help Thomas. He was just a nuisance. They were right.

 _But I believe that any dream worth having_  
_Is a dream that should not have to end_  
_So I’ll build a dream that I can live in_  
_And this time I’m never waking up_                                                                          

He could run away from his problems. Fly away with the horse. There was an easy solution. He would never bother Thomas or the others ever again.  

_And we’ll soar above the trees_

It was calling him. 

_Over cars and croquet lawns_

It was so tempting.

_Past the church and the lake_

Do it.

_And the Tri County Mall_

They won’t miss you.

_We will fly through the dawn_

He did it. 

_To a new kindergarten_

He tied the knot.

_Where naptime is centuries long_

Tied the rope to the stairs in the mindscape.

_Oooh_

He let himself fall.

 _Oooh_                      

Now wait.

 _Oooh_         

For darkness.                                                                               

_Oooh_


End file.
